“I have been buzzing for twenty minutes on the interphone, how come you
did not open?”
“I was doing the garden, I couldn’t hear”
“Why do you still bother with the garden, all the plants are dead.”
“How come you are so early?”
”Well, how come you are?”
”I am the cleaning lady, I should be here early”
“And I am the copywriter I should be here early… OK, I just wake up early
and get bored at home so come here to finish some work before everyone
else distracts me.”
“Well, if you had a wife you wouldn’t come so early to the office. Why don’t
you get married anyway?”
“It’s that…”
“Well, my own niece is getting married this weekend, she is 15 and she has
Canadian citizenship, and she will get the guy she will marry to go to Canada
– she will provide him with a citizenship. A’akbelak (May you be the next).”
“Thank you.”
“Why don’t you get married? Otherwise you will end up lonely and no one
will take care of you.”
“Oum Anis, I am not looking for a maid. I am looking for a wife. I can take
care of my laundry, cleaning and ironing. One does not get married to do the
house chores.”
“And what are you lacking anyway? You are educated and smart, you make
money, go find a girl and get married to her. I keep telling my son to get
married. I hope God sends you a woman for you to marry and make your life
happy.”
“My life is happy as it is, but thank you for the prayer.”
“Well, look at the girls here, doesn’t anyone attract your attention?”
”They are lovely girls I am sure, but I don’t think it is best to force things.”
“Do you want coffee?”
“You know I don’t drink coffee.”
“Even from the machine?”
“Yes, it’s not only your coffee that I don’t drink and you know that. Thank
you for the offer though.”
“Will you invite us?”
“Where?”

”When you get married!”
“Oum Anis, right now, the only woman present in this office is you. And
if you want me to marry someone, you are the only candidate present. So
unless you want to get married again now that your husband passed away, I
suggest you stop this discussion!”
“All right don’t get upset… You ask me why I come early? Look at this
mess, I have to clean all desks. The other cleaning lady only has three offices
to clean, she can come here whenever she wants. Me, I have the offices and
the garden.”
“Ya’atiki al afiyeh” (May “he” (As in God) give you strength)
“Yiba’atlak arouss” (May “he” (As in God) send you a wife)
“Oum Anis, if I promise to invite you to my wedding, would you promise to
keep mentioning it every two minutes?... Well, I suppose you have coffee to
make now and I have some things to finish.”
[Five minutes of efficient work later]
“Do you want sugar with it? I know you take it sweet?”
”Take what sweet?”
“Coffee!”
“We just agreed that I am not taking coffee. Thank you but I will have to
disappoint you.”
“I wish everyone was like you. Nefrah mennak!” (May we “get happy from
you” – meaning “attend your wedding”)
“Thank you… But didn’t we just agree on that as well? Never mind. Go fin-
ish your coffee round before the jug gets cold.”