“Are you a Chiite Christian or a Sunni Christian?”
“Beg your pardon?”
“Come on, don’t play dumb, are you one of the Christians allied with the
Shiite Moslems or the Sunnite ones?”
“Neither!”
“Bullshit, habibi in this country you have to be either/or, this “neither” at-
titude of yours doesn’t cut. Look at it this way, you don’t have to be with
someone, all you have to be is against one of them – or at least disapproving
in order not to say “against” – and that will immediately classify you in one
of the camps. Come on buddy, take a pick, I need to know how to lead the
rest of the conversation. It’s either I’m gearing up for an argument, or we’re
on the same side and then we’ll be buddies.”
“No really, you don’t understand, I am with neither, and frankly disapprove
of both just as equally.”
“All right. Whatever. Have it your way. Just know that those Shiites are pay-
ing people to stay in tents and are giving 20 bucks per head for attending the
rallies every day, they also pay women 300 Dollars a month to wear the veil.
My own aunts were wearing the veil until this started but took it off because
they did not want to be mistaken for women who get paid to do that.”
“Oh, I didn’t know women got paid for that. Well, I am not sure what to say.
At least it seems that they got someone – or at least drew a sketch portrait of
someone – in one of those explosions that occurred.”
“Well, that’s humbug too. You know why? Because the portrait is that of a
close friend of mine. He couldn’t have done it. I know the guy. We’re real
good buddies. I have to admit though that I haven’t seen him since the explo-
sion and when I called his parents they said he had traveled. But he wouldn’t
travel without telling me. Heck, he’s such a close buddy, he wouldn’t fuck
without consulting me first. Humbug I tell you. And those Shiites doing
their sit in near downtown, making it look like their own dirt filled areas, the
suburbs you know.”
“Well, not that I am taking sides but I have to admit that downtown Beirut
has never been the upscale area it is today. Look at all old photos, they show
a very popular area with porters and ambulant merchants and all that. It is
only recently that it got to be upscale with all those trendy places. So basi-
cally I think the Shiites are really appropriating the space once more!”

“I should have known you were on their side, you’re just sold to Syria and
Iran aren’t you?”
“Stop acting like this, I am just making a sociological remark!”
“Well, I think you’re just an inch away from selling out to the axis of evil!”
“I am not going to North Korea is that’s what you’re insinuating. Can’t one
just make an observation without being labeled traitor or agent or whatever.”
“It’s simple baby: Either you’re with the Franco-American camp or you’re
with the Syrians, take your pick – and do it wisely, history will judge you.”
“Jesus! I was just commenting on how….”
“I see you took your pick, maybe it’s better if you went to Syria instead.
You’re just as stupid as they are!”