The end butt of the day lights the next one, just like cigarettes, although no
one should be smoking. And slowly the day consumes itself, slower than
Jodie Foster’s cigarette in “Mean Streets”… But when the cigarette’s up, the
day is still going, strong or slow does not matter. It just goes on. Most of the
numbers stored in my speed dial are now worthless: Their owners either do
not want to talk to me, or are not here to talk to begin with. I hear that a lot
of students have not come back to their universities, that job opportunities
abound, that people are recruiting, but also that people who left are coming
back. “y would anyone want 2 go back there?”
“long time no c. where r u now?”
“Beirut”
“y would anyone want 2 go back there?”
“Because it is HOME”
“brb”
It feels like a divorce somehow. Even though I am back. The couple is not
the same, the new dynamic has to be adapted to. I clearly remember that
summer day, when mother used one of the few distractions she had from
being a wife and a homemaker: She went to our next door neighbor to watch
a video movie. VCRs were a novelty back then and so she was invited
periodically to attend screening sessions. But she seldom did, because she
never imposed on people, and then she could not reciprocate as my father’s
government employee of a salary was too mediocre to be to afford such an
item. Besides, she could not invite the whole lot of gossiping women to her
own place frequently due to her many chores. On all accounts, she came back
after only one hour.
“You’re back early. What happened?”
“A power failure. We had the cut the movie.”
“Was it good?”
“For a long time, they did what newly-married couples do. It’s a movie about
a couple you see. They ran in fields and hid behind the trees. All the silly
things cinema makes you believe that newly-married couples do. But then
right before the failure, she asked him for a divorce. This is when I said “It is
only now that the movie begins.””

The words still echo in my mind. It takes a divorce for the “movie to begin”.
Is that what happened? Is everything happening now some sort of movie
trailers before the movie begins? Some “coming to a theatre near you” hors
d’oeuvres as the projectionist prepares the reel in the control tower and the
lovers go in interlace position before the starting credits start rolling.
And then, there’s the third alternative to marriage and divorce: Being a
widow. How come nobody asks about Seymour Glass’ widow? And why did
he bother committing suicide anyway. He could have died from lung cancer.
Everyone smokes in the Glass household, including him – so it could have
been first or second hand cancer. It is indeed a perfect day for Banana fish,
because it is now that movie begins.