It is difficult to function inside other people’s kitchens. My brother called me
on his cell phone, which he left with me, and the nickname “work” showed
up on screen. He gave me specific instruction of where everything is: Coffee
(In a plastic container) at the bottom shelf of the door, creamer is on the top
shelf of the door. He knows I like my hot beverages sweetened to the point
of idiocy or saturation (Whichever comes first). So he mentions that the
sugar is in a glass container right by the counter’s right side. He mentions
spread cheese (Philadelphia and “la vache qui rit” – the laughing cow), olives
and labneh (Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia on the internet defines it as:
Yoghurt of Lebanon is a thickened yogurt that is used to make sandwiches
by itself, or with olive oil, cucumber slices, olives, and various green herbs.
It is also thickened further and rolled into balls that are preserved in olive oil,
and fermented further for a few weeks before it is eaten.) I have a craving for
a light labneh sandwich with salt and olives. I fail miserably: I am unable to
locate the salt and the olives (Weren’t they supposed to be somewhere in the
fridge?).
All those Mediterranean olive trees, the one with biennial crops, have failed
me. Humiliated me.
Weren’t they supposed to be on my side? Olives are always on the side of the
underdogs, right? Isn’t that why they use olive branches – to make the sur-
render more visceral?
To make the defeat of not finding the fruits of that biblical tree in the refrig-
erator more poignant?
Where is Lot’s wife now? The one that was turned into a pillar of salt for
looking at a burning city.
I know of a city that is burning, and I too am forbidden to look.
And if we are the salt of the earth, why can’t I use that wetness in my eyes
(Never refer to is as tears, just pretend it is an allergy.)
“But if the salt has lost its taste, it is good for nothing except to be thrown out
and trodden under the foot of men,”
Quite a worthy fate for an underdog (Dramatization over impression at the
bottom of the screen). I have been thrown out, and all that apathy left its
marks on me.
The soles of these stylish Keen shoes, of people leading hybrid lives are all
over me.

Different styles and rubber patterns, products of hours of laboring in China,
Stiletto heels planted like their namesake in between my ribs,
Ripping open the oriental cyst in me,
With the pus still in, finding it homey to remain inside, in the warmth of
wounds, upon which salt was rubbed.
That same salt I fail to locate along with the olives.
I put the bread I just retrieved from the freezer into the microwave, and press
“defrost”.
“Insert time” the microwave replied.
The feedback was so reassuring, I thought. For the last several days I
couldn’t get through to anyone I know – a combination of other people actu-
ally leading purposeful lives filled with activities, dentist appointments and
Wall mart visits (Looking for pumps and generators for their pool) and that
difficult period that occurs every year three times: The mercury retrograde.
I know people born under the sign of Scorpio do not believe in astrology, but
how else would you explain this massive miscommunication going on.
I quote from Susan Miller’s July forecst for 2006: “With Mercury retrograde
through July, if travel is on your agenda, you may need to make changes at
the last minute. Go with the flow. If you have to decide between buying a
ticket that will allow you to make small changes later, or one that will not al-
low any under any circumstances (not even if you pay a small fee), I suggest
you opt for the former.”
Mercury is the planet of communication, it rules all travel, media, and in-
ternet related aspects. Too many emails bouncing back? Cannot get through
to people? Love life misunderstandings? – Blame it on Mercury retrograde.
Rob Tillet explains that “A planet is described as retrograde when it appears
to be moving backwards through the zodiac. This traditional concept arises
in the illusory planetary motion created by the orbital rotation of the earth,
with relation to other planets in our solar system. Planets are never actually
retrograde or stationary, they just seem that way, due to this optical illusion.”
So basically, it is just an optic illusion, except that appendicitis pain seems
real, the LUV sent to the troops is alive and kicking, and I am trying to func-
tion in someone else’s kitchen – unable to find the salt, the olives.