Southwest airlines send their LUV to the troops in Iraq, and every other car
I have seen in the land has this ribbon shaped sticker on it which – excuse
the redundancy – supports “our troops”. Pictures of Southwest staff having
relatives in Iraq are posted on the wall. “This is Anthony Gomez, nephew
of Carlos Gomez loading manager of Chicago Midway, pictured with wife
Carla and daughter Melissa (Cat “spooky” in the background). God Bless.”
The flight out of Portland (Again, Oregon, not Maine) was numbered 2115
and departed from gate C15, but as I waited there I felt this strong urge to
go where the C13 people were going: I felt jealous of their flight number, it
was “1984”. Somehow it seemed more apocalyptic, more appropriate to the
situation. And as I sat with my rerouted ticket that – in 2 distinct legs – would
land me back in Baltimore airport I started imagining exotic and potentially
dangerous destinations a flight bearing the number 1984 would go to: Coun-
tries with oppressive regimes that the troops Soutwest airlines sends their
LUV to would go and liberate. Sure, there would be a rape or two along the
way, but isn’t that a meager price to pay for democracy?
Flip-flop wearing passengers with harmless Tommy Bahamas shirts bought
during the sales treated their carry-on luggage the same way a kid would
come back home with a stray cat justifying “it followed me home” (Carryon
Baggage Allowance: One (1) item of carryon baggage that does not exceed
external dimensions of ten inches by sixteen inches by twenty-four inches
(10 x 16 x 24) plus one (1) smaller personal-type item ( e.g., purse, briefcase,
laptop computer case, backpack, small camera), provided that such items are
capable of being carried onboard the aircraft by one person without addition-
al assistance and are capable of being stowed under a seat or in an overhead
compartment.)
Flights with mundane numbers such as 2115 are dull, unexciting, they just go
to places of transfer, never to final destinations. Those with 1984 seem more
aspiring in nature, they promise brave new worlds and pledges of conquering
the hearts and minds of natives. As a word of caution though, do bring your
own snack if you feel extra energy is needed (Snack Service: If your total
flight itinerary includes a series of flights that each are less than two hours
in duration, you will be served peanuts/pretzels on each flight segment. If
your itinerary includes any nonstop flight longer than two (2) hours, you will
be served a packaged snack on that flight segment. Southwest Airlines does
not serve sandwiches or meals, however, you may bring something to eat on
board.)

Make sure to have a nice photo with a wife, daughter and cat in the back-
ground, maybe later one of your relatives will work at Southwest airlines and
you’ll end up on the wall of the airport next to Anthony Gomez, and you’ll
get plenty of LUV from that large vinyl printed banner.
Isn’t it sad to know though that the southwest flight departing from Portland
International Airport at 1:30 pm from gate C13 will not land into “oppressed-
land-promised-to-be-liberated-by-US-intrepid-men-and-women”? Rather in
the most deceiving way of all it will land in Oakland, Orange county, Phoe-
nix. I am sure Oakland, Orange county, Phoenix is a nice place to be and that
every other car has a ribbon shaped sticker supporting “our troops”; Sure,
there would be a rape or two along the way, but isn’t that a meager price to
pay for democracy? Wouldn’t it be nice if one of those passengers resur-
rected Mary Estelle Hanna – that raped woman from the Don Fogelberg song
“Tuscon, Arizona” only to rape here again? After all, Tuscon is not really far
from Oakland. Or is it?